6 Months On

This month we passed bit of a milestone. It’s six months since Kevin died. At the time I couldn’t see what the future would look like without him. It all happened so suddenly and was something I’d never ever imagined could ever possibly happen.

The days soon afterwards are a bit of a blur now. I remember lots of visitors, dozens of cards, flowers, dear friends who came to keep me company, and brought food. It was so hard on the children, who both stepped up to look after me at the same time as they were dealing with their own grief.

They say things happen for a reason. As I was learning to deal with all of this we sold my mother’s house – she died just a few weeks before Kevin. My brother and I already begun to empty it, but things now had to speed up as our buyers were anxious to complete quickly having sold their own property. It was good to keep busy. Exactly what I needed in fact.

In the middle of all this I managed to get away for a much needed break with the children – a week on Orkney with Son and a week in Northwest Scotland with Daughter. It was the trip I would have made with Kevin, so it was very poignant. I couldn’t help but feel he should have been there. It was my first trip to Orkney and it was fascinating. A highlight was the ancient Skara Brae settlement.

I ended up bringing a lot of stuff home from Mum’s house and for a while my house resembled Steptoe’s Yard until I gradually decided what to do with everything. This included about 10 boxes of photos and slides, which I’ve begun to digitise – they take up far too much room otherwise. It has been fun sharing these with family members too.

I’ve also rediscovered cooking and I’m doing some work on the house, basically future-proofing it to make it more accessible and easier for me to manage. The first thing I did was extend and raise the level of the patio at the rear of the house to remove the steps – this has already made a huge difference.

I continue to go to gigs. I somehow feel closer to Kevin when I see live music. It’s how we met and was an interest we shared. He loved all the tech stuff, and whenever I see the sound/lighting/video technicians at work I think of him.

I have more to go to this year and more are booked for 2025, along with my first cruise, visiting the Norwegian Fjords. I’m really excited about that.

I also have returned to many of the groups and activities I did before and resumed teaching my crochet workshops.

Of course I miss Kevin every day but I’m doing ok. I like to think he’d be proud of me.

As it’s Halloween I wanted to share something that happened a few weeks ago – it was a bit spooky but at the same time just lovely. Some years ago Kevin bought me a a bracelet – it’s silver with freshwater pearls, very simple but I love it and wear it every day. I noticed that it was missing from my wrist and though I searched the house from top to bottom, it could not be found. I assumed that sadly I’d lost it when I was out somewhere and that was that. On my birthday I got up and went to the wardrobe to get out something to wear. As I reached up to grab a coat hanger, there, dangling from the clip that held a pair of jeans to the hanger, was the missing bracelet. It had been gone for over a week and I’d been in the wardrobe several times and not seen it. Why now on my birthday? Whatever the reason, it comforts me to believe that it was a birthday greeting from Kevin and I love that. He’s still with me.

Postscript

Thanks for all your lovely comments. They mean a lot. My lovely blog followers have been so kind and supportive over recent difficult months and I’m so grateful for that. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.

Jackie xxx