Today was the funeral of my lovely Mum, Gillian. I wrote and delivered this eulogy at the service we held for her today.
My Mum, Gillian was born in Newcastle on 15th February 1937, the first child of Ken and Wyn Holloway. I’m told that her form of the name (Gillian with a hard G) came from a character in a book that my grandmother had read. Mum was followed by her brothers: Peter in 1941 and Michael in 1946 .
Some of Mum’s earliest memories are of WWII. Once, on hearing a news broadcast on the wireless, she asked her mother if there was any news on the radio when there was no war on. During an air raid she huddled under the stairs with her mother who was holding her baby brother Peter. My Granny prayed, “God save my babies”, over and over again – that always makes me want to cry. The children spent happier times when, accompanied by their mother and cousins, Pat and Michael Porter and Anita, they were evacuated to the village of Ingoe, where they stayed in a very spartan cottage – there was no running water, just a hand pump at the end of a very steep lane, but they loved the countryside.
After the war the family enjoyed holidays on the coast and fell in love with Newton-by-the- Sea. My grandfather rented and later bought a secluded former quarry, a beautiful sheltered spot, where a series of family caravans have been sited ever since. The children spent idyllic summers there and on the beach.
Mum attended Newcastle Church High School, where she enjoyed sport (apparently she once accidently knocked out the games mistress with a hockey stick). She was in the South North’land Tennis Club .She also learnt to play the piano to a high standard. It was while she was still a schoolgirl that Mum first noticed my dad.
The family would go along to watch my grandfather compete in motorcycle trials There was a handsome young competitor, a rising star in the sport named Arthur Brown. Mum was smitten!
Mum left school after O levels, doing well in most subjects, including Latin – her party piece was to recite Humpty Dumpty in Latin. Mum did fail her geography O level though, which my Dad teased her about a lot – when they were out in the car it’s amazing that they ever reached a destination because he’d never ask her to navigate and he (typical man) would never ask for directions.
After school Mum went to commercial college and trained as a secretary. Her first job was at Martins Bank, after that she worked at was to become Proctor and Gamble – Mum became secretary to the Marketing Director. and was there when they developed the jingle for “mild green Fairy Liquid” She actually knew the second verse to that.
By this time Mum and Dad were going out. My grandfather was not exactly supportive at first (nobody was good enough for his daughter) – sometimes Dad took Mum to the same pub that my grandparents visited, always picking secluded seats by the back door for a quick getaway if the bar staff tipped them off that her parents had come in the front.
Mum and Dad married in 1958 and set up home in South Shields, where Dad was born and worked. Mum continued to work at Proctor and Gamble until I came along in 1960. My brother Chris arrived 3 years later. My parents first home was in Leafield Crescent, and a few years later they moved to Harton Grove. We had lovely neighbours in both places. When we were very small there were coffee mornings with lots of other small children and their Mums, Nan would babysit on Thursday night and my parents would have a night out. I also have lovely memories Mum taking us to the beach at South Shields, summers spent at Newton by the Sea and family holidays in Scotland and sailing on the Norfolk Broads.
On one sailing holiday the boat ran aground, Mum jumped ashore to push the boat off, but as she did so a gust of wind filled the sails and off went went leaving her behind. She was soon picked up by a motor cruiser which caught up alongside and Mum leapt gracefully from one boat to the other. It was so exciting
As we got older, Mum joined Dad working in the family motorcycle business, his father began, running the office and serving in the shop. She still managed to be home when we got back from school though. She looked after us and Dad and our pets (the guinea pigs, gerbils , hamsters, tortoise, fish) – the dog, Brett was all hers though.
Alongside all this she was also involved in the local church and, when my brother joined the scouts, Mum became heavily involved in a parents fundraising group, organising events like jumble sales and some rather raucous but very well supported cheese and wine parties …..and the scouts all the camping equipment they needed.
By this time Dad had joined the Rotary Club and Mum became a founder member of Harton Inner Wheel, resulting in more great friends. I’m told the conferences were particularly good fun, down to the great company of her fellow Inner Wheel ladies – she continued to meet them for lunch every month.
In the 1980’s Mum and Dad sold the business and both worked for the Motor Agents Association. Mum’s role was as a monitoring officer for a Youth Training Scheme. She checked up on trainees as they attended college and work placements, as mechanics, car salespeople and other roles in the industry, and soon became a familiar figure on garage forecourts and car showrooms across the area She told me that she’d feel so proud when years later, taking her car in for a service she meet a former trainee who’d done well following the scheme.
She became a mother in law for the first time when Kevin and I married in 1987. My only regret about our wedding is that we missed the after party. While we were travelling to our honeymoon destination, Harton Grove was partying hard. I’ve seen the photographs.
The following year Mum and Dad moved to Swarland. It was a carefully thought out choice, being close to the A1 for easy travel and near the coast, but just about out of reach of the sea fret. They loved it, totally embracing village life. They joined the golf club, Mum got Russ the labrador. She helped to run the Brownies (where she was known as Grey Owl), organised front of house for the drama group and joined the church here at Felton, helping with the flowers . She also rekindled her love of music singing in choirs, most recently the Bridge Singers.
Mum was a devoted grandmother to Caitlin and Calum. Whenever we visited for a weekend and arrived late on a Friday night, Mum would insist on chasing me and Kevin out to the Pub, however tired we were “Because I know you don’t get out much just the two of you”. Then she’d relish getting the children ready for bed and reading them stories. When the children were older they would come on longer visits without us, which they absolutely loved. Mum would make their favourites: apple pie, green jelly. And there was the magic turtle – a tiny ornament that would mysteriously fill up with sweeties when you weren’t looking.
Importantly, Mum made wonderful friends in the village and had the best of neighbours. The kettle was always on and the gin and tonics were always available, they even had a gate between their garden and that of their neighbours Hazel and Trevor, which saved time when they shared refreshments in the garden.
My brother Chris married Christine 2003. Ever the optimist, Mum had become convinced they would announce their engagement long before they actually did. In fact a bottle of champagne was put in and out of the fridge every time they visited over several months until it could be opened to celebrate properly
Mum looked after my father when he became ill. His death in 2002, not long after her own father’s death, hit Mum very hard, but she told me that if his death had to happen, at least it happened in Swarland, the place where they had been so happy and she was surrounded by so much love and support.
When we moved up here that Christmas it gave Mum the boost she needed .She looked after us too, and was delighted to be able to spend so much time with her beloved grandchildren.
The following Christmas Mum threw the first of her legendary Swarland parties. I think initially she wanted to do it as a thank you for all the support everyone had given her, but it soon became an annual event, with food, drink (the Strictly Final usually) and lots of friends and their offspring. Someone once told me that Christmas wasn’t really Christmas until Gillian’s Party.
Mum loved to travel. Holidays with Dad included Hawaii, California and Crete. Later she went on some epic trips with her sister in law Pat, to India, China, Canada and Alaska, South Africa and more, experiencing the Taj Mahal, The Great Wall, dog sleds and and safari. When this started we began to refer to it as Gillian’s Gap Year, but the travel went on longer than that. Pat told me about when they went to Thailand for a wedding. The Buddhist monks arrived to officiate and sat cross legged on the floor. Mum, always wishing to repect customs and culture sat down cross legged too. Only then the translator said the English visitors didn’t have to and she wondered how she’d get back up.
She also had some great holidays with her dear friend Margaret. They visited a number of European cities and went ski-ing in La Tania in the French Alps with my brother, Chris. She was extremely proud that she finally got her pensioners free lift pass aged 75. She also travelled to the USA for her niece, Julia’s wedding and then again in 2016 to visit her brother Michael and his wife Donna.
Mum’s health declined 6 years ago following an unusual mental illness. This came as a huge shock to all of us as Mum has always been the most grounded, level , calm person, and an absolute rock to so many. She recovered from this, though was frailer than before and then the symptoms resurfaced in 2022. Again she recovered but was frailer again. With the support of some wonderful carers she was able to continue to live in her own home in Swarland, the place she and Dad loved so much.
Mum had been really enjoying February. It was her turn to host our book club and we had a lovely evening. We drove to South Shields to have lunch with the Inner Wheel Ladies AND she celebrated her 87th birthday, with a family meal at the Cook and Barker. As usual, Mum ordered her favourite fish and chips, complained that it was far too big, before demolishing it, and dessert… and birthday cake! It was a wonderful evening. She was looking forward to meeting up with her nieces Judy and Wendy and great nieces Lauren and Juliet the following month.
Mum passed away suddenly on 23rd February. We had seen her ealier in the day and she was in good spirits. It’s still sinking in that she’s gone. I keep thinking “oh I must tell Mum about that” – I bet I’m not the only one.
As I wrote this there seemed to be some common themes running through Mum’s long, well-lived life. They make me think we should all be more like her.
- She loved her family more than anything
- She cared, and continued to care for all of us, whenever we needed her,
- always putting others before herself . She could always be depended on and was everyone’s rock
- She valued friendship and kept in touch with friends that she’d made at every stage of her life
- She had a great sense of adventure and a wicked sense of humour
- She was one of the most positive people I have ever known, always seeing the best in people and finding something good in even the worst of situations.
And … she loved a good party.
Gillian Mary Brown 1937-2024
Stitches by the Sea 